How to Get Your Partner to Communicate Better (Without Nagging or Resentment)
So let me start by saying: Hi, my name is Chelsea, and yes, I can be a little naggy sometimes.
Not in the frumpy-grumpy, wooden spoon-wielding, 1950s sitcom way. But in the “I cannot stop thinking about this until we handle it and close the damn tab in my brain” way.
And if you’ve been the one holding space for all the logistics, emotional check-ins, date night planning, parenting convos, and general “we need to talk” moments in your relationship… I see you.
This one’s for the women who don’t want to be the nag, but who also can’t keep swallowing the silence, disconnection, or feeling like they’re the only one trying to really talk.
Let’s Talk About That “Nagging” Feeling
Here’s the thing, when my kids want to download a game on their Amazon Fire tablet, they need my approval. And they ask me 84 times in 30 seconds:
“Did you approve it yet? Did you do it? Did you check it? Did you?”
My nervous system wants to scream.
But I also get it. Because I do the exact same thing when I’m waiting on an unresolved conversation or a lingering miscommunication with my husband. I can’t just put it away in my brain. It flashes. It beeps. It stays open.
And then I start reminding and asking and circling back and yes… sometimes it becomes nagging. Not because I’m annoying. Because I’m tired. Because I care. Because I need connection.
So this post? It’s not just tips—it’s lived experience. It’s the exact shifts I’ve made (and coached others through) to move from frustrated, one-sided convos into mutual, emotionally safe communication.
Let’s get into it.
Why Your Partner Might Not Be Talking (And It’s Not Always Because They Don’t Care)
This part matters. Because if we assume they don’t care, we start building resentment fast.
But often, it’s not about a lack of care—it’s about:
Not having the tools. Most men didn’t grow up with examples of healthy emotional conversations.
Fear of doing it wrong. If conflict has gotten messy in the past, avoidance becomes self-protection.
Conditioning. The world told them to be strong, not soft. And vulnerability still feels foreign.
Emotional shutdown. Years of disconnection (especially in busy parenting seasons) can close off expression altogether.
Now listen, this isn’t about excusing poor communication.
But it is about understanding what might be underneath it. And I’ll be real: I’m not here to bash men or say “They’ll never change.”
I want a world where men can change.
Where we raise sons who don’t have to unlearn emotional expression.
Where partners get to feel safe and connected. Because that benefits everyone.
So if you're choosing to stay and grow with your partner, there might be some layers to compassionately unpack together.
What We Do That Doesn’t Work (Even When We’re Trying So Hard)
Let’s name a few common patterns I see (and have lived):
Repeating yourself 50 times, louder each time
Starting convos with “Why don’t you ever listen to me?”
Bringing up 3 topics in one breath—because it’s all piling up
Passive-aggressiveness that starts with “Fine, whatever…”
This is what I call the Resentment Spiral:
You try harder → They shut down more → You feel dismissed → You get resentful → Intimacy drops
It’s not nagging because you’re annoying.
It’s nagging because you’re exhausted from carrying the emotional labor.
But here’s the real talk: more pressure rarely opens someone up.
So What Actually Works?
We’re not forcing our partners to change.
We’re inviting them into something better. Something more connected, more curious, more collaborative.
Here’s what that looks like in action:
Start Soft
You’re not the HR department of your relationship.
Use language and tone that invites—not accuses.
Try:
“Hey, I know this might sound random, but I’ve been feeling a little disconnected lately. Can we talk this week and just check in?”
Focus on What You Miss
Not: “You never open up.”
Try:
“I miss how we used to talk about everything, even the silly stuff.”
Be Curious, Not Critical
This one is big for me. My friend Rachel teaches this concept of curiosity over judgment in dating, and it applies just as much in marriage.
Instead of:
“Why did you put the car seats back that way?”
Try:
“Hey, I noticed the car seats were in a different order. Is there a reason you switched them?”
Energy matters. A question can sound like an accusation if it’s laced with frustration. I’ve had to literally say out loud, “I’m not judging, I’m just truly curious. I want to understand how your brain works.”
That has changed everything for us.
Use Scripts
You don’t have to wing it. I have a whole guide full of these, but here’s one to start with:
“Hey, I’ve been holding onto something and I don’t want it to build up. Can we carve out some time this week just to connect and talk?”
Click here to get more communication scripts like this »
A Little Story From Me to You
I used to feel so defeated when I’d try to talk, and my husband would say, “I just need time to think about it.”
Like, great… I’m spinning out while you’re taking your sweet time to warm up to the idea of processing.
But over time, I realized: he does want to connect. He just needed it to feel safer. Less intense. More invitational.
And when I stopped coming in hot and started leading with curiosity?
He started leaning in more.
Not perfectly. But consistently.
And that changed the tone of our entire relationship.
Better Communication Starts with Different Invitations
Not louder demands.
Not passive-aggressive sighs.
Not the 17th post-it note.
Here’s your permission to try something new. And if it’s a little awkward at first? That’s okay. Most good things start that way.
You deserve a relationship where you both feel heard, seen, and safe.
Where talking isn’t a chore—it’s a connection point.
Want Help Starting the Conversation?
✨ Grab the free Communication Scripts for Couples
Inside, you’ll get:
Easy ways to start hard convos
What to say when you feel disconnected
Prompts that make it easier for your partner to engage
You’re not alone.
You’re not crazy.
And you don’t have to carry this alone anymore.
Your relationship can feel lighter, warmer, and more team-oriented again.
And I’m cheering you on every step of the way.
