How to Raise Kids With Values After Leaving the Church

You Left the Church. So How Do You Raise Kids With Values Now?

It’s a question I get all the time.
And honestly? I ask it myself, too.

Because when you step away from the church—whether it was a slow drift, a firm break, or something in between—you lose more than just Sunday mornings. You lose the default blueprint. The ready-made answers. The built-in list of do’s and don’ts for parenting, marriage, purpose, and identity. The community (gosh it takes WORK to build community outside of the construct of church!)

And if you’re raising kids, that loss echoes even louder.

You want to raise grounded, kind, values-driven humans.
But without the church, what are the values now?
Who defines them?
And how do you parent with intention when the guidebook is gone?

This post is part parenting, part identity reclamation.
And it’s for anyone whispering: I want to raise my kids with values... even though I’m still figuring out mine.

When Your Kids Ask About God—and You’re Still Sorting It Out

My kids are six and eight.
And they love asking big, beautiful, impossible questions.
God.
Heaven.
What happens when we die.
What people believe and why it’s different.

Sometimes I want to laugh. Sometimes I want to hide.
But mostly, I take a deep breath and turn it back to them.

I’ll say, “That’s such a great question. What do you think?”
Or, “Some people believe X, some people believe Y. What feels true to you?”
Or even, “I don’t know either. Isn’t it wild that we get to wonder together?”

It’s not always easy.
I was raised in a culture that had a Bible verse ready for every tough question. A clear answer. A tidy bow.

Now, I don’t have a pre-approved script.
And some days, I really miss that.
I miss the security of a checklist—what to say, what to do, how to lead.

But here’s what I’m learning:

I don’t have to hand my kids certainty. I can hand them curiosity, honesty, and trust in their own growing wisdom.

The Myth of the Missing Moral Compass

One of the biggest fears I hear from parents who’ve left the church is this:

“How do I raise kids with a moral compass without religion?”

It’s a valid fear because for many of us, morality was handed to us in a faith-shaped box. Without it, we worry we’ll drift.

But here’s the truth:

You are not lost. You are forging.

You now get to parent with eyes open. You get to choose the kind of values your home reflects—not out of fear or tradition, but out of alignment.

You’re not raising kids in a vacuum. You’re raising them in a thoughtful, intentional home that values:

• Empathy over obedience

• Critical thinking over blind faith

• Repair over punishment

• Connection over control

That’s not less than. That’s more.

Define Your Values, Together

One thing I’ve found helpful in my own family is creating space to talk about what we believe and what matters most.

And here’s the kicker: it doesn’t have to be rigid or official. It just needs to be honest.

We’ve had conversations at the dinner table about how people in our family might believe different things—some go to church, some don’t, some believe in heaven, some don’t. And I’ve told my kids, “It’s okay for us to listen, learn, and then decide for ourselves.”

We name values together—kindness, respect, telling the truth, taking responsibility, standing up for what’s right.

If you need help identifying and getting aligned on your values,
this is exactly what we do in Relationship Blueprint coaching.

We explore:

• Who you are, apart from religion or roles

• Who your partner is and how your beliefs connect or differ

• What kind of future and family culture you want

• How to parent with confidence even when there’s no checklist

• How to communicate those values with strength and softness

Whether you’re in a post-church marriage or navigating deconstruction solo, Blueprint coaching gives you a foundation to build on, without going backward.

Raise Kids Who Trust Their Inner Compass

We often think kids need to be taught what’s right and wrong. But honestly? They already know a lot of it. What they really need is space to explore, name, and trust it.

Here’s what I tell my kids:

• You can trust your gut

• You can feel your feelings

• You can ask any question

• You can believe something today and shift tomorrow

It’s not chaos. It’s growth.
And it’s how we raise kids who aren’t just parroting back what we told them—but learning how to listen inward and live outward with integrity.

Yes, It’s Hard Without the Blueprint

Let’s be real: parenting without a religious framework can feel like trying to assemble IKEA furniture with no manual.

There’s no “approved” prayer for hard moments.
No playbook for grief, guilt, or joy.
No community potluck to wrap you in casseroles and comfort.

Sometimes I miss it.
And I let myself feel that.

But I also remind myself: the blueprint I’m building now is one that fits us.
It’s rooted in who we are today. It leaves room for change.
And it’s honest, which means it’s sustainable.

Rituals Still Matter—You Just Get to Create Them

If you left behind Sunday services or faith-based holidays, your calendar might feel emptier now. And your kids may ask questions like:

• Why don’t we go to church like Grandma?

• What do we celebrate instead of Easter?

• Why do some families pray before eating?

Instead of avoiding those questions, we lean in.

I’ll say, “That’s what works for them. We get to do what works for us. Isn’t it cool that families are different?”

And then we build our own rituals:

• A Sunday breakfast ritual where we check in on the week

• Lighting a candle at dinner and sharing one thing we’re thankful for

• Picking one way each month to show kindness to someone else

• Creating “just because” celebrations when we need a joy boost

You don’t have to throw away all ritual.
You just get to reimagine it—without dogma, with deep meaning.

Let’s Recap: Practical Ways to Raise Kids With Values After Leaving the Church

• Name your values out loud. Decide on 4–6 that feel true. Revisit them often.

• Talk with, not at, your kids. Ask what they think. Let them wrestle and wonder.

• Explain family differences. Teach that people believe different things—and that’s okay.

• Model inner authority. Show your kids how you listen to your gut, own your choices, and repair when needed.

• Create meaningful rituals. Structure matters. You just get to build it your way.

• Normalize not knowing. Say “I don’t know” and “Let’s explore that together.”

• Find community. You don’t have to go it alone. Build friendships rooted in shared values.

Want Help Defining Your Family’s Values?

If you’re ready to create a family culture that feels aligned, intentional, and you—let’s talk.

Relationship Blueprint Coaching is a 4-month experience that dives deep into:

• Who you are without the church scripts

• How your beliefs shape your parenting and partnership

• What kind of family legacy you’re creating—and how to get on the same page

• The communication tools that make it all possible

It’s honest, vulnerable, and life-giving.
And it’s how you go from “I’m lost” to “I know exactly what we’re building.”

You don’t need all the answers. You just need the courage to keep asking the questions.
You’re not behind. You’re becoming.

And your kids? They’re watching you walk this road with honesty, grit, and grace. That’s the real legacy.