20 Things New Parents Need to Know But No One Talks About
Becoming a parent is a full-body, full-brain, full-life transformation. But you’d never know that by the way most of us are taught to prepare for it. We’re told to stock up on diapers, memorize wake windows, and pick the perfect name. But the deep, systemic, and life-altering changes happening to the parent? Those get left out of the baby books.
If you’ve recently entered parenthood and are thinking, why didn’t anyone tell me this?—you’re not alone. Here’s what every new parent deserves to know.
1. Matrescence (and Patrescence) Are Real
Think of matrescence like adolescence: a complete rewiring of your identity. Your hormones shift, your brain physically changes, your values evolve. You might grieve your old self while falling in love with your new role.
This was a huge personal shift for me. I was in no way prepared for how much of my personal identity would be challenged and changed and how out of control that woudl feel in my brain and body sometimes. While I’m very proud and in love with the person I’ve become on the other side of these shifts, there are a lot of growing pains.
2. The Postpartum Period Isn’t 6 Weeks
The six-week checkup isn’t the finish line. Physical healing can take 6–12 months. Hormonal and emotional regulation may take even longer. And that’s not even factoring in sleep deprivation and mental load.
In fact, some experts now refer to the postpartum period as lasting up to seven years.
3. Your Brain Literally Changes
MRI studies have shown that the brains of new parents physically change. Parents experience increased gray matter in areas related to empathy and decision-making. These changes can last for years and even influence how you process emotions and risk.
4. Hormonal Chaos Is Normal—and Overwhelming
Hormones like oxytocin, estrogen, and progesterone swing dramatically postpartum. This can lead to anxiety, mood swings, night sweats, and insomnia. It’s not just the “baby blues”—it’s chemical.
If you’re not feeling like yourself, it's not all in your head. It’s in your hormones.
5. Postnatal Depletion Is a Silent Epidemic
Coined by Dr. Oscar Serrallach, postnatal depletion is a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion due to nutrient loss, sleep deprivation, and caregiving overload.
Signs include:
Brain fog
Mood instability
Physical fatigue
Loss of libido
It’s often misdiagnosed or completely ignored.
As a new mom, I felt like I needed to keep up, bounce back, and get in the game again as quickly as possible. In retrospect, that added to my overwhelm and exhaustion because I didn’t give my body and brain the space it needed to recovery from birthing a whole ass human!
6. Your Relationship Will Shift—and That’s Normal
Research shows 67% of couples report a drop in relationship satisfaction after having a baby. The good news? It doesn’t mean you’re doomed. It means your partnership needs new tools.
Resentment builds easily when expectations are unspoken. Communicating about mental load, household labor, and emotional support is more important than ever.
PSST: If this is you, I have a quick and easy podcast series to help you get out of this rut. Grab it here.
7. You Might Feel “Touched Out” and Sensory Overloaded
Being constantly needed can overload your nervous system. Loud noises, clingy arms, and nonstop demands may leave you feeling like you can’t tolerate even a hug from your partner.
Normalize taking intentional space to reset.
8. Grief and Joy Can Coexist
You might cry while looking at your baby and simultaneously grieve your freedom, identity, or career. That doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful, it means you’re human.
9. Postpartum PTSD Exists—and It’s Underdiagnosed
Roughly 9% of new parents experience symptoms of PTSD, especially after a traumatic birth or NICU stay. It can show up as:
Flashbacks
Panic attacks
Sleep disturbancesf
Avoidance of reminders of the birth
And yes, partners can experience it too. (See the research here)
10. You Might Be Entitled to More Leave Than You Think
Many parents don’t know about the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) or state-specific benefits that offer job protection or partial paid leave. Even non-birthing parents often qualify. I love the work from Hello Bundle to navigate this.
11. You Have Breastfeeding Rights at Work and in Public
Under the PUMP Act, employers are legally required to provide time and a private space (not a bathroom!) for pumping. And every state in the U.S. protects your right to breastfeed in public.
Still feeling awkward? That’s societal conditioning. Not your fault.
12. Newborns Don’t Need to Be Entertained
Newborns need love, food, sleep, and safety. That’s it. There’s no gold star for overstimulation.
Let go of the pressure to be a walking mobile.
13. Sleep Doesn’t Have to Mean “Sleep Training”
You can improve sleep by:
Creating consistent rhythms
Focusing on naps
Adjusting environment
Regulating your own nervous system
Responsive sleep is biologically normal. You’re not failing if you don’t let your baby cry it out. Want to learn more about biological sleep? I have an awesome podcast episode on it here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/baby-sleep-and-the-family-dynamic-interview/id1622270050?i=1000679883606
14. The “Witching Hour” is a Neurological Transition
That endless stretch of evening fussiness? It’s not you—it’s your baby’s developing nervous system trying to adjust. It’s loud. It’s frustrating. It’s normal.
Tip: Try holding, babywearing, or a warm bath to support the regulation process.
15. Contact Naps and Split Nights Are Normal
These behaviors are tied to evolutionary protection and sleep cycle maturation. They’re hard—but temporary.
16. Cluster Feeding is a Biological Strategy
Babies instinctively cluster feed to stimulate milk production and soothe their own bodies. It can feel never-ending—but usually only lasts a few days at a time.
17. Your “Village” May Not Show Up
Most of us don’t live in communities with built-in support anymore. You may need to build your village—through friends, paid support, online community, or family. That’s not a failure. That’s adaptation. I not only become part of a couple’s village as a coach, I can help you learn how to expand it with great people.
18. The U.S. Is Failing Parents
The U.S. has the highest maternal mortality rate of any developed country. We lack universal paid leave, routine postpartum mental health care, and coordinated follow-up.
You’re not broken—the system is.
19. “Mom Rage” Is Often a Sign of Overwhelm
Unprocessed emotion, unmet needs, and a fried nervous system can erupt as explosive anger. You’re not crazy. You’re probably exhausted and unsupported.
Learn to spot the warning signs: clenched jaw, tight chest, short fuse. Those are cues, not flaws.
Learn more about mom rage on this podcast episode: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/where-did-my-mom-rage-come-from/id1622270050?i=1000688868589
20. Bonding Can Be a Slow Burn
Not every parent feels that immediate Hollywood-style bond. Bonding can take days, weeks, or even months. And that’s completely okay.
Surviving the First Year
You’re doing something incredibly hard in a culture that often dismisses your needs. But you are not alone—and you are not failing.
Let this post be your permission slip:
✅ To ask for help
✅ To feel your feelings
✅ To rest without guilt
✅ To question what you’ve been told
If you’re navigating this season feeling overwhelmed, unseen, or unsure what’s “normal,” you’re not alone, and you don’t have to figure it out by yourself. This is exactly where coaching can be a game-changer.
I offer support that goes deeper than generic advice—because you don’t need one more checklist. You need someone who sees the whole picture: your identity, your relationships, your nervous system, your dreams.
As a coach, I help you unpack the layers, reclaim your voice, and build a motherhood and family life that actually works for you. No pressure to perform. Just real support, real tools, and space to breathe. If you’re ready for that kind of partnership, I’d be honored to walk alongside you. Schedule a free meet-and-greet call with me here.